Becoming, pt. 4

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November 8, 2015 by Carly Smyly

During this season of my life I am rediscovering who I have become and who I am becoming. This requires deep introspection and sometimes brutal honesty.

I have been married for 14 months now. Just about a month ago (when I re-launched my blog), I took back the reins. Up until this point I had unconsciously become a person I didn’t really want to be.

Lazy, boring, unintentional, withdrawn… I had stopped reading, writing, creating, and exploring. This wasn’t me! How did I get here?!

So I paused. I took a deep look inside. I processed things with my husband who fell in love with me when I felt the most “me” I think I’ve ever been in my life. Amidst our discussions and my journaling, I realized I had let marriage change me without even knowing it.

“No duh, Carly!” You say, “of course marriage changed you.”

I agree. There is no getting around that. But as I mentioned in the first post of this series, there is good change and there is bad change.

Subconsciously, I turned into a woman who had a day job and the rest of her life revolved around her husband. It’s not that he asked me to or expected me to. In fact, when I realized this and shared it with him, he immediately responded by encouraging me to reinvest in myself and the things that make me who I am.

He doesn’t need me to make him meals, even though he enjoys and appreciates each one I make. He doesn’t need me to be home when he is home, even though he values our time together. He doesn’t need me to be with him as he watches sports or TV, even though he adores our cuddle time.

IMG_0212He does need me to take care of me and to love myself enough to do the things that feed my soul and bring me life. He does need me to experience those things and spend time with those people that sharpen my mind and fuel my fire. He does need me to be me.

He fell in love with Carly Jones who enjoys reading and writing, comes alive outdoors, likes to cook and eat healthy, creates community, and has a lot of energy and is playful. I am still that same woman… just with a new last name.

When I am me, I can love better. If I am not intentional with my time and disciplined to do the things that bring me physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health, then I will be no good to my husband, my family, my friends, or my job.

Just because I’m in my thirties and married, doesn’t mean I can set the cruise and ride into paradise. Life takes intentionality.

I want to continue becoming the woman that God created me to be. I want to be the me He knew at the dawn of creation. I know the fullness of the very-good-me will not be complete until the day I am with Jesus in the flesh. But I do know God is consistently shaping me into the very-good-me through the people and moments of my life.


Reflection
Take a moment to reflect on who you are and how you spend your time.
Do you live with intention?
What do you do regularly that brings you life, feeds your soul, and sharpens your mind?
If your answer is nothing, how can you begin working in rhythms of intention that fuel your fire?


Prayer
Heavenly Father, I thank you for showing me who I was becoming and giving me the intention to change directions. May you give me the strength and resolve to continue becoming the very-good-me who you created me to be. I pray for each of my readers. I pray that you will develop a hunger in them that brings them to a point of intention in their lives. May you extinguish the excuses that keep them from loving themselves well, and give them space and time to experience You through rhythms of intentionality in the developing their heart, soul, and mind. Amen.

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