Becoming, pt. 2

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October 24, 2015 by Carly Smyly

“Become the person the person you’re longing for is longing for.”
– Andy Stanley, Love, Sex, & Dating

I’ll give you a moment to read that quote again…

The most common conversation I have with my friends and young people centers on relationships and dating. Some times it’s celebrating a new relationship. Other times it’s sitting with the person whose heart has just been broken. Often times it’s talking through the longing for a certain someone.

Most of us have been here at one point or another. I was there a time or two in my life. In my teen years I longed for the cutest guy in school to just notice me and say hi. When he did, my best friend and I would giggle and squeal. As I got older, I didn’t so much long for the guy because of looks. Instead, I longed for a companion in this life. But I couldn’t answer what I meant by this.

I thrive on lists in my job and for grocery shopping, but when it came to guys I thought lists were absurd. Why create a list? That just sets me up for disappointment. Seriously, what even needs to go on that list? Is it superficial to include physical attributes? What about sports or TV shows that I like? What about dogs vs. cats?

I only wanted non-negotiable items on this list, and the list most people shared with me or expected me to have didn’t include much of that. I knew I could concede on most things and still be happy for the rest of my life. All my friends had varying interests and personalities. I could get along with pretty much anyone. But what was most important? What was an absolute must for my lifelong companion?

After years of being perfectly content as a single women in my mid through late twenties, I experienced a supernatural moment revealing the man God had for me someday. The list was short:

  1. He would love Jesus with all he is
  2. He would have experienced the depths of sorrow and the redemption that follows
  3. He would be called to ministry

These three things are all well and good. But how would I find this man?IMG_0481

Andy Stanley’s quote answers this question…
Become the person the person you’re longing for is longing for.

If these three items were non-negotiable, then I needed to determine if I was the woman this man would long to be with. If I wasn’t, then how could I expect to encounter this man and spend the rest of my life with him? Was it realistic for me to long for this man based on who I was becoming?

Thankfully, yes, was the answer. The second and third items on the list were true for my life already. The first was of greatest importance in my life. My greatest desire was (and still is) to love Jesus with all of my heart in and through all moments of my life. These three items shape my story and my being.

What if the answer had been no? Then I would have needed to either toss the list out the window, or begin the process of becoming the woman the man I longed for was longing for.

Who are you longing for?
What are the non-negotiables for this person?
Are you the person that would attract this person you’re longing for?
If no, how can you begin the process of becoming this person?

Father, I pray for each one of my readers who are single and still longing for that companion. May they understand the gift this time of life is for them, and may they be patient in their longing. May you fill the void in their heart with hope and love that comes from you alone.


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